I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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