you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
