Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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