I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i drank out of a bidet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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