Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
