Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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