I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
