i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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