Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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