We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
