I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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