people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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