maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
