They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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