she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
