I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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