Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
