uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
