It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
