Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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