Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
