You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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