Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
