can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were trust falling into bushes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
