I just pynch a tree in the face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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