It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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