I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
