This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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