I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
