Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How naked do you want me to be?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
