Im at strip club and am horny
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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