Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
