Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
