i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
