went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
