just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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