i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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