he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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