Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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