I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
