He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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