I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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