I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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