life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think people are normalizing furries
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
