maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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