try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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