So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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