I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
