DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
