how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
