Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
