Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We named our party play list daddy issues
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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