ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
