I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
