Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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