I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
