dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
