This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
