Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
