He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
