Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
