i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
