1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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