Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
