i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Terrible idea I love it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
