so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
