I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pants are for mortals
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
