He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
In America we eat man semen.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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