last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
