dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
