I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
