somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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